Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
