Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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