I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
