I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
my liver is dry heaving
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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