Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
