don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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