At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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