All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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