Please, let me fuck your mom
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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