didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
