The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
