eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
