The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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