Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
