The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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