I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
