I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
