I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
