What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
