She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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