New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
