so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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