Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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