I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
