I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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