we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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