Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
