woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
