I think my fart just growled at me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
