We're facebook friends in real life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
