Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
