This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
