You're completely useless in the revolution.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
