Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
