miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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