a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
