Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
