If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
