I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
