I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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