No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
