i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
