theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My bed smells like the plague
You are a genius and a whore.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
