She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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