I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
