Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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