I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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