Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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