So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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