So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
